Remind Me

“…pin after pin were being taken down slowly as I strike my past and addressed its dysfunctional realities.”

Remind Me

"You're so creative." they said.  "I wish I was more like you Marnin." That's what they said to me.

I guess that's what I wanted, no one to ever question me. - in turn I guess, neither did I...I too kept on dismissing me.

In 2014 I was diagnosed with Major Depression after having an attempt to suicide.  After spending moments in a psych ward, along came therapy and I soon discovered I also suffered from PTSD.  "You're so creative Marnin." I mockingly thought to myself, "I would never dare you to wish yourself to be like me."  Negativity was very prominent and I struggled with the ebbs and flows of it constantly.

Ever since my diagnosis, with wobbly feet I learned to stand with the new balls of truths I held in my hand.  Deciding my next steps were definitely not easy, they were rather unstable and confusing actually.  But with the help of my friendly bumpers I was able to play in directions my heart needed to free myself completely.  Through creativity, pin after pin were being taken down slowly as I strike my past and addressed it's dysfunctional realities.  I was happy with splitting results as they would sometimes come easily and morbildy sad when I didn't get to knockback as much as I had hoped even after confronting aims so willingly.  I took notice during these moments on my relationship with creativity - throughout my life, right under my nose, I've been supplied with creative resources that have been open to healing me.  When waves were tough, even before my diagnosis, creativity cultivated a space and trust that I was able to lay in freely.  As I played in different creative spaces, I grew to understand that it was trust and space that were mishandled in the gift-giving process for me personally.  I decided that with every shore of opportunity that rose to collect all the creative aspects of my life, I will allow myself that same trust for me to receive healing.

As these resources brewed gifts to be given as a means to truly connect and heal creatively - I hope to remind myself that I actually do wish to be just like me.  I am creative and I am not shameful to be.  My gifts have breeded me and the crashing waves of my life have shaped me.  Through creativity I have healing, I have love, I have clarity.  I have all that is necessary to find what wants to be.  Creativity kept me alive and brought me back to center, it kept my heart beating even when my fearful eyes cried through it's splinters.  I hope to help breed healing for the world by providing reminder's to one's own creativity - through capturing, creating, and collaborating behind-the-scenes creativity can breed space & trust for others with similar gifts and stories.  Keeping creativity alive is what living means for me, it's there I too find the love in being just like me.

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